Log in

Meagan Kills
10 July 2007 @ 05:10 am
it's been a lose lose situation tonight. i did something i thought i definitely wouldn't do this time. but then again, who am i kidding, because i fuck up everything. i just keep crying and it's really awesome, minus the awesome part because i feel like an awful person, because i didn't do more to keep it together, when really, all i did was shit to keep it together, until i got tired of not being myself and forgot about it for a second. i've realized that i am young and i have a lot of growing up to do and a lot of mistakes to make and i don't even know how i feel about it. i'll continue to go about my life just as i did nearly 9 months ago, i suppose, even though everyone knows it won't be the same, i know it won't be the same and in all honesty, i don't think it ever will. this is the hardest thing i've done in a long time. maybe this is the best decision i have made, and maybe it's the worst, i'm about to find out. and maybe this time, i'll be strong enough to hold myself together, but in all cases, i am highly doubting it as things much less serious hit just about as hard. i don't even know where i'm going with this or what is happening because i kind of feel like none of it is real, i kind of feel like none of it has been real, like it was all too good to be true for a minute. i mean, well, really, it was too good to be true for a minute. i am becoming so weak that i can handle... well, nothing. that's unlike me. i don't even know who i am right now, because growing up is the stupidest thing ever. and i know that this will help me learn, and guide me into making better decisions, but i just... i can't even fucking begin to fathom it. it's been a long time since i've felt so fucking lonely and i've got a damn good reason for it. and you can tell me i'll get over it. i might, or i might just hold on to it for a long long time, and maybe, maybe if this is really what i do want and what i do need, in the end it will work out because i still think everything happens for a reason, and i actually hate it. basically, i feel like the worst person alive, i can't stop crying, i want a lot of whiskey, i want to turn up lucero really loud and cry because i can relate to ben nichols' hardships, and i finally just want to die after that, because i'm too scared to let anyone hurt me, so i hurt myself first. fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Meagan Kills
22 May 2007 @ 09:50 pm
I have had the most insane past week. I don't even know how or why or for that matter, WHAT has been happening. I just want to kill everyone.

I need a job really bad and I need some more friends. I am also goin to kill someone if gas continues to be a million dollars a gallon.


For a mintue, I thought I was going to write something long and heart-felt.. until I realized that I have absoloutely nothing to say.
Current Mood: boredbored
Meagan Kills
28 June 2006 @ 02:06 am


Meagan Kills
02 February 2006 @ 04:21 pm

Image hosting by Photobucket


Comment to be added.